


living with ghosts

by myraj



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Hatake Kakashi-centric, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, but kakashi is trying his best for them both, neither of them are okay, new tag right there since i was an idiot and forgot to add it before, no beta we just die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26482924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myraj/pseuds/myraj
Summary: when Kakashi was asked to see the hokage after his latest ANBU mission, he was not expecting to walk out of the office with one of the last surviving Uchiha now under his care.what the fuck was the sandaime thinking?AU. where right after the Uchiha massacre, Sarutobi assigns Kakashi a new mission which is far more complicated than all of his past ANBU missions combined, which is to take care of a grieving seven year old boy.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 22
Kudos: 210





	1. the uninvited guest

**Author's Note:**

> so, i've finished scavenging through the kakashi & sasuke tag in ao3 and it bothered me that there wasn't a fic with this kind of au/plot, so i decided to take matters to my own hands! (im still not really sure if this was a good idea or not)
> 
> obviously, it won't be canon compliant, and i'm not entirely confident about how i'll be able to keep all of them in character, but im nothing if not determined to write some quality hatake-uchiha father/son dynamic (even if it's the last thing i do)

_“In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves.”_

_― Laurie Halse Anderson_

* * *

_Complete silence and the scent of blood._

At four years old he stood in the middle of a bloody room, the silence was deafening as he felt his entire body shake at the sight before him. The lifeless body of his father was the first thing he noticed once he got home, the sight of the tantō piercing his father's stomach was the next, followed by the heavy scent of blood as it slowly made its way to his toes, soaking his feet in a deep warm crimson.

The image haunted him since his childhood. It was a memory Kakashi knows he'll never forget.

And he never does.

* * *

His last mission took longer than he expected.

It was supposed to be a simple retrieval mission, but the information his squad was provided lacked a few _very_ important details regarding the possible threats they'd be facing along the way. Kakashi sighed at the memory of the bloody mess, it'll be a pain to get rid of all the blood staining his clothes and tantō.

He was on his way home, his body exhausted and in need of a warm shower, when he felt a familiar presence to his right, "What is it?" Kakashi asked, stopping to meet one of his subordinate.

“Hokage-sama is asking for your presence in his office, Taichou.” Hawk answered, voice monotonous. His amber eyes are sharp behind his mask, gleaming in the moonlight. And with a polite nod of his head, Hawk leaves with a puff of smoke.

Sighing at the unexpected summon, Kakashi takes his time to gather himself before he makes his way to the opposite direction of his apartment. He hears a lone crow on his way to the tower and looks up to see a cloud pass by, hiding the moon from the starless sky. The short moment of darkness sends a chill down Kakashi's spine, whatever news the Hokage had for him, he already has a feeling he wouldn't like it.

Curious to know what the reason was behind the summon, Kakashi made his way to the tower faster, only arriving fifteen minutes late, a new record.

* * *

"You asked for me, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi rose from his bow to meet the Sandaime's eyes, surprised to see the solemness in the old man's expression, his earlier dread resurfacing as the old man continued to stare at a single piece of paper on his desk with a look Kakashi couldn't quite decipher.

"I heard you had a bit of a problem from your last mission, Kakashi-kun." Sarutobi said, eyeing the silver haired man from his seat.

"It was easily taken cared of, Hokage-sama." Kakashi replied nonchalantly with a shrug, "Nothing to worry about." 

Sarutobi made a soft sound of acknowledgement and motions for him to come forward, which Kakashi complied easily.

"You've been taking quite a handful of high ranking missions for the past few weeks," the look Sarutobi sends him isn't accusatory but Kakashi feels himself tense, waiting for the old man to continue. "I fear the day when you wear yourself out."

"Pardon the question, but what did you call me here for exactly?" Kakashi interrupts before the old man could continue with his lecture. "Surely you didn't call me just for reprimanding." he adds politely. 

The Sandaime reached for his pipe with a deep sigh, "I'm sure you remember the tragedy that happened a week ago," Sarutobi starts, voice heavy with grief, immediately reminding Kakashi of the gruesome incident. "You'll be assigned to a brand new mission related to the incident starting today." From his desk, the old man hands Kakashi the sheet of paper and Kakashi made sure his right hand didn't shake as he grabbed onto it.

The photo attached to the document made Kakashi wince, as the image of a small boy who looks about seven or younger stared right back at him from the photo, with a bright smile on his face. Kakashi felt his heart stop cold in his chest, enveloped by pure panic as he read the name attached to the photo.

_Uchiha Sasuke._

Sarutobi took pity on him and looked away as he waited for Kakashi to finish reading the rest of its content, and if he saw Kakashi's hands shake as he processed every word, he makes no mention of it to the silver haired man.

"You're leaving him to me?" the question comes out of Kakashi's mouth before he could stop himself, unable to mask the obvious shock in his voice.

Kakashi ignores the blatant disappointment written on the old man's face, too preoccupied with the idea of taking care of the last surviving Uchiha. The idea that he'll be living with another human being for the next few years was too much for him to comprehend. The thought chokes him, as he begins to feel a sense of nervousness he’s never felt this strongly for a long time. 

_How can he take care of another person when he could barely take care of himself?_

"I'm afraid this is not a mission that you can object, Kakashi-kun," with another deep sigh Sarutobi continued. "The arrangement has already been settled and you have been removed from the ANBU rooster starting today. Uchiha Sasuke will now be in your care up until the time he graduates from the Academy as genin."

"Surely, there must be a better candidate to babysit a seven year old child?" Kakashi argues, "My team will be expecting me to lead them on a brand new mission tomorrow, Hokage-sama. There must be another option aside from myself who can take care of the Uchiha boy." Kakashi racks him mind for any other reason he could use to justify his blatant decline aside from the fact that he _cannot_ be responsible for the well being of a traumatized seven year old.

"I've already notified your squad regarding your new arrangement, Kakashi-kun." Sarutobi answered. "And granted, that the boy had gained his sharingan after witnessing the death of his entire clan, you are the only one capable of teaching the boy the proper ways to wield it."

"I don't oppose teaching the boy about his dōjutsu," Kakashi starts, "but, Hokage-sama, there must be-"

"No more excuses, Kakashi-kun." Sarutobi interrupts, "As the only other sharingan user in Konoha, starting today, you will be Uchiha Sasuke’s guardian."

Sarutobi left no room for argument and Kakashi could only nod once the old man finished his sentence.

The Sandaime's expression softened immediately, fully understanding his apprehension regarding the sudden mission at hand, but he makes no move to take his word back. "Words have already started to spread regarding the reason behind the tragedy, Kakashi-kun." Sarutobi tells him. "And I'm afraid many will try to put the blame on the child, possibly even try to hurt him, and I am putting my trust in you that it won't end with bloodshed." 

"Understood." Kakashi replied with a bow.

* * *

Kakashi followed the Hokage quietly to the hospital where the young Uchiha was kept after the massacre. He doesn’t protest when he was asked to stay outside of the hospital room while Sarutobi talked to the boy regrading the set up, grateful that he doesn't have to be the one to explain to a seven year old why he's suddenly going to be living with a complete stranger from now on.

For a moment Kakashi lets his mind wander off to the image of the smiling boy he saw on the photo.

 _He looks so much like his brother._ The thought alone, shook Kakashi to his very core.

When Sarutobi emerges from the door with the little boy trailing behind him, the familiar set of eyes was the first thing Kakashi noticed. He knew those eyes very well, he saw them on Obito's first, and then Itachi's. But this time, those same pair of eyes held a familiar kind of emptiness that only came from having your entire world torn apart, reminding Kakashi too much of his own whenever he looked in a mirror, he fought the urge to throw up.

Taking a deep shuddering breath from behind his mask, Kakashi makes his way to greet the boy.

Kakashi was still wearing his ANBU uniform when he meets Uchiha Sasuke for the first time. He quickly removes his ANBU mask and clips it to his hip as he uncurls his gloved fists to offer the boy his hand in greeting, thankful that they finally stopped their shaking.

He sees the apprehension on Sasuke's eyes as he continued to stare at Kakashi's gloved hand blankly. Kakashi drops it immediately, clenching it into fists behind his back, already cursing himself for his obvious mistake.

“There's a few cuts and bruises on his arms,” Sarutobi tells him, getting Kakashi's attention. “So far, he's shown no other injuries. And I’ve kept him here for observation given that the compound is still being cleaned up.”

Kakashi ignores the way the young Uchiha flinched at the mention of the compound and wills himself _not_ to think about the scene he witness a week ago, how there was blood everywhere and how the scattered bodies laid mangled on the streets, cold and lifeless. He doesn't even allow himself to think about how much the gruesome sight could've affected the child.

The boy in question doesn't seem to be paying much attention to the rest of the conversation after that. His back is slouching on the hospital chair, his scrawny legs dangling as his small frame tried to reach the floor only for him to settle with swinging his feet every few minutes. His head is tilted to the side, his dark hair falling to the side as his fringes covered his eyes. His hands clench and unclench while they rest on his lap and Kakashi can't help but notice just howsmall the Uchiha boy looked sitting on the chair as he quietly waited for the two adults to finish talking.

 _He's just a kid._ Kakashi thinks, pity flashing at the corner of his eyes as he is reminded of just how young Uchiha Sasuke truly is. 

The Sandaime gently placed a hand on Sasuke's back, getting his attention. “Sasuke-kun, this is Hatake Kakashi." The old man says, introducing Kakashi with a wave of his hand. "He'll be taking care of you starting today. Will you be alright to go with him now?"

The silence stretches on for a few awkward minutes as the child merely continued to stare at Kakashi from his seat. Growing tired of waiting for a reply, the Hokage seemed to take the boy's silence as a confirmation as he bid them both a short goodbye and made his way out of the hospital room, leaving Kakashi alone with the seven year old. It took a few more minutes of staring and utter silence before Kakashi finally got himself to lead the small boy out of the hospital and to his apartment.

* * *

The walk to his apartment was painfully quiet as the child made no effort to answer any of Kakashi's earlier questions. Sasuke continues to stare up ahead, his eyes are void of emotions and completely blank like he’s not even sure whether any of this is real, and the sudden realization that he is now Kakashi’s kid- that his life is now entirely Kakashi's responsibility and _problem,_ finally sinks in.

Kakashi doesn’t think about his exhaustion. He doesn’t think about the blood. He doesn’t think about Obito or Itachi. He doesn’t think about any of them, because if he does, even for a second, then his resolve would break and he won't be able to take a single step forward.

He doesn’t think about them. He doesn't think about the haunted look on Sasuke's eyes and wills himself to walk slower so the little boy could keep up. He shuts every emotion down, the way ANBU taught him to do, the way he thought himself to do. He locks them up in a box and hides them in the deepest part of his heart, and he keeps walking forward with the young Uchiha trailing behind.

The thought that Kakashi is now tasked with helping this kid, who just witnessed his entire clan get slaughtered by the one person he looked up to, recover from that trauma is entirely laughable.

 _What the fuck was the Sandaime thinking?_ Kakashi thought, looking at the familiar emptiness on Sasuke's expression.

_At least it would be bet_ _ter to live with him than with ghosts._


	2. the walls heard you crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically just one traumatized man trying to take care of one traumatized boy, enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kudos and lovely comments! it really means a lot to see that i wasn't the only one who liked the idea of dadkashi adopting tiny kid sasuke and it gave me the push to continue writing the second chapter!
> 
> also, i decided to stick with their canon age... so if we do the math:  
> kakashi's 21 and sasuke's 7

_“At times, it seemed that sleep was his only refuge, the one place in the world where the dead couldn’t find him.”_   
_― Jacqueline E. Smith_

* * *

It takes Kakashi a few minutes to open the front door and reseal everything back before locking it with a click. Sasuke was standing absolutely still by the shoe rack, quietly waiting for him before he took off his own sandals to follow Kakashi inside the apartment.

The lights flicker for a few seconds and the dust and silence welcomes the two of them as they make their way to the living room. It's been a whole week since Kakashi left for his previous mission and he fights off the urge to sneeze, he points the young Uchiha to the old couch and the boy quietly obeys, not once making any eye contact. 

"So," Kakashi begins, as he makes his way to the kitchen, passing the cupboards and the dying plant he forgot to water near the sink, praying that he still has something edible in the fridge. "Are you hungry?"

Silence answered him and Kakashi looks up from his empty fridge to see Sasuke shake his head. He fights off the sudden urge to sigh, he's grateful that he doesn't have to make a trip to grocery until morning at least, his aching muscles protesting from his recent over exertion and begging him for sleep.

It's already late in the evening and judging from the way Sasuke's slouching on his couch, the kid must be just as tired. Which leaves Kakashi with the issue of where the young Uchiha will be sleeping from now on. The idea of leaving him on the couch seemed tempting, but even Kakashi wasn't that heartless. The couch had been in pretty bad condition ever since he got it years ago and had only gotten worst as the years of neglect went by. The only reason why he never bothered to replace it was because his ninken had a tendency to ruin furniture. 

With a deep sigh, he turns to the spare room and starts looking for an extra futon.

The space was used mainly for storage, since Kakashi never really bothered to invite anyone, let alone have then stay over. The space didn't really give much room to put a lot of things, but with Sasuke's small frame, Kakashi wasn't too worried when he started setting up, moving a few boxes of old uniforms and a few weapons he's kept through the years in another room. Luckily, he was able to find a futon somewhere in his cabinet and a few spare pillows. Quickly, he managed to place everything in the middle of the room.

"Come over here." Kakashi calls out once he's done and when he heard tiny footsteps approaching, he turns to face the kid and motions for him to his new room.

"You can sleep here," Kakashi tried not to sound as uncomfortable as he's feeling when he watches the boy assess the small space, his dark eyes travel along to the bare wall, to the small crack at the corner of the room, and then focuses on the futon at the very middle. Sasuke made no comment on the state of his new room and Kakashi didn't bother to wait for one. "Well, I'll be going to bed," Kakashi points to the next room, "Only knock if it's urgent."

Sasuke nods his head once and Kakashi doesn't spare him another glance before he closes the door and heads for his own room, feeling even more exhausted and in need of a warm shower.

The shower worked wonders for his aching muscles and anxiousness, and the softness of his bed was more than welcomed. When Kakashi's head hit the pillows, he felt his body go lax and soon sleep overtook him.

* * *

The next day found Kakashi waking up to the sound of birds chirping outside his window as a feeling of dread settled at the pit of his stomach once yesterday's events came tumbling back in his mind, reminding him of his current predicament.

_Child rearing._

The urge to curse the Sandime's decision left Kakashi's lips right after he decided to open his eyes. What choice did he have now that he's saddled with this mission. Groaning, Kakashi rolled out of the bed and made his way to the kitchen. He'll panic and worry later, he needed some coffee in his system if he was going to start taking care of someone else starting today.

He sees the small Uchiha boy sitting on one of the kitchen chairs, his dark eyes staring off somewhere else. The boy clearly looked tired, dark circles marked under the boy's eyes and for a moment, Kakashi didn't know what to do.

_Do I greet him? He looks like shit? Did he even get any sleep last night?_

Mind racing with too many questions, Kakashi decided to head for the cupboard to make coffee instead. He makes his presence known, stepping a bit louder than usual to get the boy's attention, he winces when he saw Sasuke flinch at the sudden sound. Mentally cursing himself for his error, Kakashi grabs a mug for himself and only hesitating for a few seconds before he grabs for a second one. 

He places a steaming cup of tea on the table, right in front of the young Uchiha, and watches as tiny hands took the mug a few minutes after.

"I'll be out for a few hours," Kakashi starts, eyeing Sasuke as he began to take a sip of his coffee behind his mask, "is there anything you want from the market?"

With a shake of his head, Sasuke made no other effort to communicate and Kakashi fought the sudden urge to groan at the boy's lack of cooperation. Placing his empty mug on the sink, he makes a mental list of all the food and items the kid will be needing during his stay with him as he makes his way to the door. Grabbing his wallet on the table counter and with a quick nod of his head to the kid, he sets off without a single word, not bothering to look back at the Uchiha as he closed the door.

Kakashi couldn’t really remember the last time he ate at his apartment, given the fact that he took every mission he could when he wasn’t on (a restricted) medical leave, and would often forsake his hunger for training, he knows he'll be buying more than just a day's worth of food now that he's got company staying with him. Remembering the kid's small frame, Kakashi began to consider what types of produce he'll be getting. What did the kid even eat? Did the kid have allergies? Was should I make for dinner? Fuck, Kakashi thought as worry overtook him once again.

_What would Kushina-nee do?_

* * *

Kakashi spent the rest of his day buying different kinds of products for the young Uchiha and soon his arms were full of bags of groceries. He makes a quick stop by the memorial stone before going home, retelling last night's events and his current worries while lamenting his situation to the stone. Kakashi felt the wind rustle his hair and before he knew it, the sun was already beginning to set.

And with a heavy sigh, he says goodbye to Obito and the rest of his team as he starts heading home, already dreading to see those same pair of dark eyes once again.

* * *

That evening, dinner was a quiet affair.

Only the occasional clicking of chopsticks could be heard and Sasuke still refuses to speak or answer any of Kakashi's questions that require more than a nod or shake of his head. Kakashi watched as Sasuke pushed his plate of half eaten food away and without a word, the little boy made his way to his room with a quiet click when he shut the door, leaving Kakashi alone with too much food on the table.

"What's up, Boss?" Pakkun suddenly appeared next to his leg and Kakashi makes a motion for the pug to help himself with the rest of Sasuke's meal. The pug happily ate the remaining chicken, and Kakashi let himself worry once again.

"The kid won't say anything." Kakashi said, dejected as he stared at Sasuke's closed door. "He hasn't said a single thing since I got him form the hospital and he refuses to eat more than a few bites of food."

"Give the kid more time," Pakkun started, offering Kakashi a sad smile. "The kid's probably still trying to process what happened."

Kakashi knew the pug was right, but the way Sasuke's eyes looked so hollowed just wouldn't leave his mind. He feels a warm paw settle on his thighs and he sees the worry on Pakkun's face. "I know you see yourself in him, you had the same look on your face back then too."

Kakashi didn't know what to say, so he quietly collected the plates, ignoring Pakkun's words as he made himself busy with washing the dishes.

The pug decided not to push any further and soon Kakashi was getting ready for bed, hoping for another dreamless sleep.

* * *

_The dark room was familiar as Kakashi made his way to the center, socked feet never making a sound as he felt the coldness of the tatami mat._

_He smells the blood before he could see it, the darkness of the room sent a haunting chill down Kakashi's spine and he calls out to his father in fear. There was no answer. Kakashi starts to panic._

_He sees his father laying in a puddle of his own blood at the very center of the room, bleeding all over the tatami mat as his silver hair gleamed in the moonlight. Kakashi doesn't hear the dull thud of his knees as they gave out when the realization of what's happening finally sinks in, the buzzing in his ear is relentless and Kakashi cries himself hoarse as he asks, **begs** , his father to wake up. **Please wake up**. But he doesn't stir no matter how much Kakashi shouts and begs, he lays there motionless as his blood seeps on Kakashi's hands and on his clothes, and Kakashi could feel his body grow cold._

**_Kakashi looses it._ **

_It takes at least five grown men to drag him away from his father- from his home, and into the hands of the Hokage._

_He was kicking and screaming the whole time._

* * *

Kakashi wakes up with a start, head pounding as he a felt cold sweat on the back of his neck. It was just a nightmare.

He gives himself a few seconds to calm down before he sits up from the bed, still exhausted but unable to go back to sleep, not yet.

 _Not when the scent of blood and the feeling of holding onto a lifeless body was still so fresh in his mind._ The idea that he still to got worked up over a nightmare (no matter how vivid) made him laugh, but it sounded pained more than anything.

_It's already been seventeen years._

Kakashi gets up from his bed to get himself a glass of water, mentally cursing when he sees the clock read 3AM, three hours of sleep will have to do for now.

With a deep sigh, Kakashi makes his way to the kitchen, his bare feet barely making a sound despite how old the wooden floor is. He stays in the kitchen for a few more minutes after drinking a cup full, unsure of what to do now that he has too much time on his hands. He couldn't possibly go back to sleep now and the idea of going outside wasn't as appealing as he thought it would be.

Before he could mull over what to do, he hears a soft noise and immediately his guard is up as he takes out a kunai from a nearby drawer, already tracking the source of the noise inside the apartment,

He's standing right on front of his spare room, the muffled noise growing louder as Kakashi continued to stare at the wooden door.

The realization that Uchiha Sasuke is on the other side of the room makes Kakashi's hands tremble only for a moment as he places his hand on the doorknob. He is quick to open the door, kunai at the ready and eyes alert for any possible threat. But when he scanned the small room and sets foot inside, the only sight that greeted him was that of the small boy tossing and turning in his sleep.

Kakashi immediately lowers his hand, watching quietly as Sasuke struggles with an obious nightmare.

He hears the kid mumble a few words, too soft for Kakashi to understand most of it. But he could hear the fear and desperation clearly in his voice as Sasuke whimpered and clutched on to his blanket, his body looking even smaller now that he's all curled up in a ball as he fights off whatever's plaguing his dreams.

Kakashi is frozen in place. And for the first time, despite his eight years in ANBU, he's unsure of how to proceed with his current situation. Nightmares were something he had to manage on his own, without anyone to help, he had to learn how to handle them with a quick calming breath and proceed to ignore the fact that it had any affect on him at all. Kakashi was good at ignoring his problems, making sure to hide all his fears and weakness at the very back of his mind, away from praying eyes.

Which makes his current predicament a big problem, because in all he twenty-one years of being alive on this godforsaken world, Kakashi has no idea how to help a seven year old boy struggling with a nightmare.

 _Do I wake him up?_ Kakashi thought frantically, hovering over the sleeping boy but making sure to keep his distance. _Fuck, what would Kushina-nee do in this situation?_ Just the thought of her sends a pang of hurt and grief to Kakashi's chest which he refuses to acknowledge. But before he could do anything else to help, Kakashi heard Sasuke let out a pained cry.

_"Nii-san!"_

The black haired boy shot up from the bed, hands reaching out to nothing but air as heavy tears continue to fall from his eyes.

Kakashi could only stare, frozen in place as he watched the small boy's entire body shake with fear and grief. Kakashi hears him take a sharp intake of breath followed by a series of coughs and looks away from the sight. The image, too familiar as memories of the past slowly start to resurface from his mind, reminding him of sleepless nights when all he could see was death and blood whenever he closed his eyes. Kakashi ignores the cracks threatening to break the walls of his carefully guarded expression and forces himself to step closer to the boy, deliberately making his steps louder to make sure his presence is known.

Sasuke turns his head to the sound, and in the darkness, his eyes are blazing a blood-red.

"Go away." Sasuke demanded, hiding from Kakashi under his covers. Sasuke's voice didn't shake, but Kakashi saw the way his hands shook at he tried to wipe his tears away.

Kakashi’s heart breaks at the sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, kudos and comments are appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly thought i would never get back into the naruto fandom after that mess™ of an ending, but here i am with a brand new fic... and tbh this is probably my most ambitious fic yet since i plan to make this into a series lmao
> 
> as always, kudos and comments are appreciated!


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